Its 4.42am and i'm not asleep. Reason being that i slept till 5pm yesterday!!! I guess i just fitted all my lack of sleep hours into one day and i wasted one whole day! But it was nice t catch up on sleep too. Woke up here and there t pee and reply all the text messages that kept coming in over the morning. And yet after i woke up, the text messages stopped coming in...

And now, its so quiet and they tune i'm listening t makes me feel so sad... I guess i miss listening t those tunes! And i have not told anyone this cuz i did not wanna think abt it but i guess i have t face it now.

I remembered that scene in M'sia, lunch with Cyn and Family and we were talking about going back t Pontian and Yy when suddenly dad said, 'by the way, Yy died'. And i was still like, "Yeah i know." And i blabbered on and on. Then mom asked, " How did you know that Yy died?" And then i 'woke' up in shock and replied, " What? Yy died? When?" It was shocking. And i found out that the entire family knew about it long ago. She died during the O's period and dad told evryone t not tell me as he doesn't want me t be distracted. Yy died for like, 1 month plus and only now did i get t know? Does anyone ever think that i would actually prefer t know it then? I feel so darn cheated and yet i can't blame them cuz they had my interest at heart. But i didn't even get t see her for the last time and i heard my auntie cleared her body by dumping it into a river where evryone dumps their dead dogs!!! WTH?!?!?! Couldn't they give her a decent burial at least?

I remember Yy's gentle, passionate eyes, her creamy white coarse fur, her streamlined body shape and her sharp face. She never barked at anyone. Dad says she's mute but I know she's not. She was just a really gentle and subtle being. she was friendly t evryone. Although we had t put her up at my aunt's place after much happenings and dad had no time t care for her, whenever i went back t visit during the new year, i coukd still know that she rmbs me. her eyes will sparkle and her tail will be wagging with pleasure and excitement. She was my first dog and my only dog i have had till now. I didn't even get t send her off. I haven't been a good owner. I haven't been there for her when she needs me. I haven't dedicated the love and care for her as i should have. I did not do my part and i was a bad owner, a bad friend. She might have trusted me t love her and t care for her but i have let her down. I'm sorry... I am really sorry.
I just want t be able t hold her again, t give her a hug, t scratch her belly and t scrutinise her tail to check for fleas. I wanna sit beside her as she lies down and give her a scratch on her back. I wanna feel her lickings on my face and i will always rmb her stinky breath. I wanna tell her that i love her and i wanna give her a pat on her head for just one more time. I won't be able t do it anymore................................. I miss you. I'll rmb you for life, my dearest paw-pal!