I am really really tired... I just want to disappear... I have disappointed many, I have caused many to be upset. I still have to disappoint more people and cause more people to be upset. I am a bitch. A sad bitch. I'm sorry...

Its 4.42am and i'm not asleep. Reason being that i slept till 5pm yesterday!!! I guess i just fitted all my lack of sleep hours into one day and i wasted one whole day! But it was nice t catch up on sleep too. Woke up here and there t pee and reply all the text messages that kept coming in over the morning. And yet after i woke up, the text messages stopped coming in...

And now, its so quiet and they tune i'm listening t makes me feel so sad... I guess i miss listening t those tunes! And i have not told anyone this cuz i did not wanna think abt it but i guess i have t face it now.

I remembered that scene in M'sia, lunch with Cyn and Family and we were talking about going back t Pontian and Yy when suddenly dad said, 'by the way, Yy died'. And i was still like, "Yeah i know." And i blabbered on and on. Then mom asked, " How did you know that Yy died?" And then i 'woke' up in shock and replied, " What? Yy died? When?" It was shocking. And i found out that the entire family knew about it long ago. She died during the O's period and dad told evryone t not tell me as he doesn't want me t be distracted. Yy died for like, 1 month plus and only now did i get t know? Does anyone ever think that i would actually prefer t know it then? I feel so darn cheated and yet i can't blame them cuz they had my interest at heart. But i didn't even get t see her for the last time and i heard my auntie cleared her body by dumping it into a river where evryone dumps their dead dogs!!! WTH?!?!?! Couldn't they give her a decent burial at least?

I remember Yy's gentle, passionate eyes, her creamy white coarse fur, her streamlined body shape and her sharp face. She never barked at anyone. Dad says she's mute but I know she's not. She was just a really gentle and subtle being. she was friendly t evryone. Although we had t put her up at my aunt's place after much happenings and dad had no time t care for her, whenever i went back t visit during the new year, i coukd still know that she rmbs me. her eyes will sparkle and her tail will be wagging with pleasure and excitement. She was my first dog and my only dog i have had till now. I didn't even get t send her off. I haven't been a good owner. I haven't been there for her when she needs me. I haven't dedicated the love and care for her as i should have. I did not do my part and i was a bad owner, a bad friend. She might have trusted me t love her and t care for her but i have let her down. I'm sorry... I am really sorry.
I just want t be able t hold her again, t give her a hug, t scratch her belly and t scrutinise her tail to check for fleas. I wanna sit beside her as she lies down and give her a scratch on her back. I wanna feel her lickings on my face and i will always rmb her stinky breath. I wanna tell her that i love her and i wanna give her a pat on her head for just one more time. I won't be able t do it anymore................................. I miss you. I'll rmb you for life, my dearest paw-pal!

I'm kinda sick of work... Getting sick from working... Working makes me sick. But i love the pay though! December's coming, X'mas is coming, EOY Sales are coming!!! Its a rich man's world.

Through work, i finally know that i am more of an introvert when it comes t speaking t strangers first. I prefer the writing than calling because i like the private spacing given and i can be in my own world, humming tunes and thinking abt stuff in my noodle brains. I'm not the type t talk t strangers first and i feel really uncomfortable when making the calls... Oh well. Its work. Luckily, Allison and Cynthia helped me through these 2 days.

Baking session with Chuapopo and her mom today was simply AWESOMELICIOUS! Her mom is the most adorable mom i've ever met. So carefree and fun-seeking! She really wanted t learn and i hope she remembered it all! The cakes turned out really yummy and they were both so elated over the success. Really adorable Chua ladies. I hope we can have such a session again real soon!

Gonna meet up with Che'rie tmr! And Stel too! After work. Watching HSM3 again cuz we like it. Che'rie's gonna move and stay in lange road next year. Isn't this just great? Another big hse t look forward to. I guess there won't be a slumber party this year... Unless we find another SlumberSlum. Come to think abt it, Stel just madeover her room... My lightbulb is lighting up!

Cynthia received an anonymous call today and she asked me t call back on her behalf. I used my phone t call and the guy didn't pick up. Then, he started t text me asking who i am. Like, ain't i the one who's supposed t ask that qns? Then I lied and said ' You called my other no, so in turn, may i know who you are?' Then eventually i said ' Nvm. Forget it. Nice corresponding with ya.' and the reply was ' ok. Have a nice day.' So we continued shopping for stuff and then he texted me saying, ' but can we be friends?' something like that... And i was literally shocked so i left it hanging. Then he texted,' Its all right if you don't want lah...' I left it hanging again till night time and i said, 'i guess things are fine as it is and we shld just leave the situation as it is. Have a good night!' Wonder why i was still so calm and 'nice' but anyhow, he texted, 'ok. see you again' I have never seen him in my whole life and this was all a mix up. What nonsense was he saying, i have no idea... and i was just telling allison about stranger despo guys in the morning.

I love the tune RIVER FLOWS IN YOU by some yimara or yimura or yimuru or yi(smthsmth) guy. Its so addictive and romantic! Its a tune from Twilight! Love it!

Ally-phant finally came t work today! Met her in the morning for porridge brekkie. I was l8 for abt 30 mins.. I'm a sorry bummer. haha. Talk talk talk talk talk. Cleared things up.
Work was alright. Time actually passed real quickly. We shared and separated our jobs t make things more efficient. Our very own cool system.
After work, we met up with Roo and as usual, she was l8! So Ally-phant and i went walking arnd and we caused quite a commotion arnd PS. I love my PAWS! They're adorable. I was trying t fit my middle finger into some finger hole but then i realised there were only 4 fingerholes. So i had a hard time taking things. Not gonna elaborate further because its rather embarassing... When Roo finally arrived, she was so fussy over where t eat so in the end, we pulled her to the foodcourt. She told us abt buttman and we were... lets just say, disgusted:D

I didn't think much abt anything today...

Monday's outing with Stellyboo:
Reindeer dropped her horns
CUPCAKE!There were several sweeties who were giving out free hugs so why not? Haha! I feel so loved!


Roo and I really miss YOGA!!! How?!?!

Monitor Board was coolio! BBQ in school= unique experience! I hope to go back to their camps next year!

Good news and Bad news... Life is so shitty.

Love this quote from Roo's mail. ' Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.'

Gotta sleep now otherwise i won't be able to wake up t have brekkie with Allison...
Toodles

M'sia trip with Cyn was AWESOME!
We shopped like mad and we bought a total of 11 pairs of shoes! Dad almost fainted when he saw the shoebox mountain.
We went t the temple too and in the toilet lives a really pitiful dog. Doggie had a really bad skin disease and it was shivering. It was afraid of me and it couldn't get up. It couldn't even gather energy t bark. I didn't know what t do. i told Pops but he told me that there's nth we could do. Mom went t look at doggie with me but she was also feeling helpless. I had t leave it lying there. It wasn't a nice feeling t have t ditch Doggie...

The pet shop in 'Giant' also shocked me. They were selling endangered land tortoises and 1 had died and was rotting. They did nth. And the ducks were stepping on their own pee and poop and they couldn't move arnd. The shopkeeper did nth. The cats were lying on metal wirings which is unhygienic and unhealthy. THE KEEPER DID NTH! What was worse was that there was a baby monkey in a huge cage for sale! A baby monkey! The cage was filthy! It was only given rotten apples as food and there were no other toys for monkey. Monkey was so so small. The only way t capture monkey is t shoot monkey's mom. The poor baby had t endure such harsh treatments and it is only a baby! I touched baby monkey and i could tell that monkey was stressed and scared and lost and evrything bad.

I thought Pops had a pair of very sad eyes. The saddest ones i have seen. Then i saw Doggie's helpless sad eyes and Monkey's lost and scared eyes. They are eyes that will cause your heart t ache and your tears t flow. I want t bathe elephants still but now, i also wanna stop illegal wildlife trading. I don't know how t do that but i hope i can do it.

And what have i done wrong again this time? I don't even know what t say. I don't wanna say anyth in case i cause more unhappiness. Just don't trust me. Evryone who's reading now, don't trust me. Don't get too close to me. Don't confide in me. Don't help me. All because you'll end up with a conclusion that i am a Fugly lying bitch who backstabs and harms people with a false pretense of being an innocent saint. I'm a sucky shitty person so call me a nincompoop. You'll all be happier this way.

I deleted the really offensive parts of my previous post. Don't like to see the offensive vulgarities that are so crude. I'm so sorry for even typing them the previous time. Not good behaviour.

Anyways, things are fine now cuz I'm magnanimous!!! haha! I have a very bad memory and i don't hold on to grudges:D That's if you don't agitate me further.

I have a lot to do this coming week and I've got a lot t think about!!! But for now, I'm just gonna go chill. As usual!

toodles!

Some people are so dumb. They have nothing better to do in their lives. Wastrels. Imbeciles. They deplete the Earth's resources for nothing. Get a life. Get over it. Dunce.

I don't wanna give a flying hoot about this now!

Trip To RafflesCity




































I love my nehnehs!

Wanni babe and LingLong babe! They are both so brave! The bravest shit in town! I can't wait t see the new embellishments on Tues!!!

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

This quiz that Spongebob asked me to do is so true!!

Mom just went grocery shopping and she bought Premium mixed nuts (w/o peanuts)! Its so awesome to be crunching away and gnawing on almonds, pistachios, cashews and macadamias! But i have 2 ulcers on my lower lip so i kinda look like a squirrel with a serious disability...

SS is over! I only have HMT and MCQ to go!!! WHEE HEE! Super super cool! I can finally watch more episodes of The Hills and Newport Harbor! Clay is SO HOT! To prove my point, i shall include a photo of him!
Ok. So I couldn't help myself and i included 2 photos of him! But its soothing to the eyes anyway!!! Hahaha! I think he looks way cuter than Allison's Oliver or Roo's Jesse. Haha!

I hope to be able to get a job real soon! With Allison and Yenling! Daphne can't confirm but i feel that something's coming up. Ms Chan hasn't replied and i'm still searching! I'mma be independent this hols for all of my expenditures. Ok. Rephrasing. ' I shall be independent this hols for 80% of my expenditures!' I'mma earn my own cash for shopping, X'mas, more shopping and even for my trip! All the best to me!

By the way, HSM3 is so cool! I would watch it again and again. I'm so childish but its really so glam and all! And Allison wants me to watch Avenue Q with her! And I'm going to M'sia with Cynthia! So much lined up! I'm not really interested in the trip t M'sia cuz to be truthful and all, i don't like going back there. At all. To Pop's house and stuff. Pop tempted me with shopping but i didn't wanna go till Cynthia could come. And her mom allows her to join in so yeah! I'll have a mate! I hope i enjoy the trip...

And i'm still swooning over Clay:D:D:D