I am so troubled now... Many things are going through my mind now and i am at a loss of what to do. I am sorry if this post sounds emo...

I cannot help it. I cannot forget. I am falling deep. I thought it would be easier after such a long time, but no, i am wrong. It is getting trickier day by day. Know the feel of wanting something badly? It is a sucky feeling. All i want is to shut myself out but why can't i even have that? Went to watch secret today and the love portrayed was so sweet and innocent. Roo asked me to be like that lead actress and just ask openly. If only it was all so easy. I cannot do it... Dom also said, "No one's worth it. You only wait, because it's worth waiting, not because the person's worthy. Wait if you love, lose if you don't. Or you'll lose yourself... " I think i am losing myself cuz i don't know what to do...

Also, Girl, please... I am begging you... Don't give up. Don't go. I cannot bear to see or even hear you being so troubled. You know i feel so hopeless when i always cannot help you? I can only watch you by the side and see you suffer. I don't know what else to do. I pray sincerely for your life to be easier but here you are giving up. It hurts to see you give up. I have been trying so hard to change your perspective but to you, everything is still negative. I don't want the day to come. I don't want it nearing. I don't want it at all. Everytime you say that you are going, tears will start to well up and here i am shouldering your stress, there you are trying to escape. I am not reprimanding you, but i really don't know how to go about this anymore. Whatever i say, you will not listen. If you know you will let me down, then don't do it. You don't wanna drag * into this but it will in turn get me hurt. I don't know what to say anymore cuz you will never listen. And when you read this, your reply would be " Don't bother. Since you know i won't listen, which is really what i would do, you shall just carry on with your life and we will just end this here. No matter what you say, i will eventually not take in. I know it is unfair to you, but pls, i really cannot face up to the facts, the people around me, the society." Girl, saying sorry to me and feeling regretful towards me ain't gonna help matters. It will also not make me feel any better. Time can heal all wounds, but some wounds leave scars. Continuing will only add more stress to you and make you feel worse.

I wanna escape from everything. I don't wanna face up to anything. If i could, i wanna shut myself out as well. Relationships are hurting be it whatever the type is. I don't wanna feel anymore... I am better off alone...

Labels: tears are flowing